My baby girl Pickle has been in spirit for a little over 3 years now. The immediate days after we put her to sleep, I couldn’t breathe. I can’t even really remember them to be honest. She had been my whole world for 13+ years.

My husband and I postponed our honeymoon for 4 years because I didn’t want to leave her. We didn’t take holidays or time away whilst we had her because she needed medication, care and attention. And I gladly provided all of it.

After we released her physical body of its pain and suffering and sent her spirit back to the light, I was lost. I had no idea what my purpose was anymore.

I took a few days off work from my corporate job, I needed time to feel the pain. To process the loss, sadness, heartache and grief.

The Aftermath

In the weeks that followed I’ll be honest…I was a mess. My husband didn’t know what to do with me and was reaching out to friends and family to find out how he could help/support me. No-one knew.

I fully and completely retreated into myself. Not trying to be dramatic here but part of me had died, my heart had broken into a thousand pieces, and I needed to find my way through it. On my own.

After 2-3 weeks I told husband that I needed to get away. Not to hide from the pain or ignore my feelings but to actually be able to feel them in their huge entirety.

I needed to howl and release my pain, I needed to scream and shout to release my anger that she was gone. I couldn’t do this around other people. I know that my husband loves me, he wanted to take my pain away and I got to the point that I couldn’t cry too much in front of him. It made him uncomfortable because he didn’t know how to help me. 

I booked a small apartment for a few days that was 20 minutes from the beach. I didn’t know what to expect but my goodness, it saved me.

I was able to acknowledge my feelings, the pain, grief, anger, sadness, loss and so much more.

When I came home, I felt numb but in a good way. I felt mildly capable of functioning.

Next Steps

For months I would miss her every day, think about her every day, need to be with her every day. But as time went on that shifted.

People say time is a healer…I don’t agree with that. Time, for me, changed my trauma into a memory. A memory that can still take my breath away, that can still crack my heart in two if I let myself go back to that moment in time. Time changes you.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. That losing an animal friend is a profoundly life changing experience and it’s ok that it affects you deeply. It’s ok that it knocks you off your axis, and that the emotions kick your ass. It’s meant to, you loved them, they’re gone. It’s hard.

Since spending time away from my day today in October 2018 I now take time twice a year to be with myself. To go within and re-connect to my soul, my spirit and my emotions.

When it Catches Your Breath

This year when I got to my rental apartment, I was shocked. I realised that I don’t think about Pickle every single day anymore. It made me sad. I felt guilty. So I took some time to journal and to understand how I felt about that. What I realised is that thinking about her every day doesn’t quantify how much I loved her, or how much I miss her.

Feeling into my trauma and pain about her physical form no longer being with me doesn’t help me. Its not good for me to be in that vibration or energy space.

She was part of my life for a reason (well several actually) and one of those reasons was to enable me to help others. To help cats and their guardians. Naturally Cats was created because of Pickle.

When I was away last month, I decided that I wanted to honour her memory. Her time with me, the lessons she taught me. I realised I don’t need to think about her every day to honour her memory or to live her legacy.

Which is why I have created a Remembrance Workshop. I want to help other cat guardians to remember their furry friend. The one that not only left paw prints on their heart but moulded their heart into a paw shape! Those cats that inspired, that loved, that we cherished. A space where we can talk about how much we miss them, can share the funny, quirky things they did that we miss.

And so, it felt fitting to host it this month, November.

The Remembrance workshop is on Monday 22^nd November 7:30 – 9pm GMT.

You can book your space using the link below: