Dear Leo
My bud bud. Bubba. Buddy. My treasure.
You brought me back to life.
You opened my heart when it was shattered and closed. You helped me to piece it back together. In a new shape.
It hasn’t always been easy. I know I haven’t been as open for you as perhaps you needed.
We have learnt, healed and began to trust along our journey. Both in our own ways.
You have been so kind. You have been so brave.
You have trusted me when I couldn’t trust myself.
You have loved me when I didn’t know how to love myself.
You have shown me what it means to have faith. To trust.
You are braver and bolder than I give you credit for.
I see now that I have projected my fragility onto you.
I see that you have brought me so much. I could have given you more.
Your asthma breaks my heart. To see you suffer, in distress, struggling. I wish you didn’t have it. Yet I know it is another lesson for me. One which I am not honouring at this moment in time.
I see you and you love me in your own way.
I am sorry for the pressure I put on you. To give me more. To be more.
To echo the past.
It’s not fair and I will try my best to stop.
To be present. To accept who you are. To love you as you are, as you have done for me.
To appreciate all you share, give and show. To honour you. To continue to love you in our own unique way.
You help me to see. I know there’s more. I know it’s going to take time. Patience.
Your lessons to me of patience, surrender, compassion, faith and release of judgment are some of the hardest lessons for my soul to bear. Yet you show them to me every day.
How brave you are. How strong is your soul. How open is your heart.
More than mine.
I hope you know I love you dearly. I cherish you.
You are my treasure. You are my guiding light. You are my truth.
I am grateful to you and for you. I am humbled by you. I will always love you.
Forever. In our way.
Mummy xoxox